Fibromyalgia Survivor: Monday Night/afternoon

Fibromyalgia Survivor: Monday Night/afternoon: "Well I am scared I went to the doctor an she put me on some more pills but if these do not work it may be the disks in my neck. I also..."

Monday Night/afternoon

Well I am scared I went to the doctor an she put me on some more pills but if these do not work it may be the disks in my neck.  I also have to start counseling I am ok with that but I really do not like leaving home.  So Know I am going to be worried the whole month till I see my doctor again an know what is going on then wait to take an MRI.  I really hope it is my muscles.  
I am very depressed the anxiety kicks in an the I hurt so much more.  I really hate fibro right know.  I try to stay up beat an think the best of every thing but today it is not one of them.  I can not turn my brain off, Have millions of things going through my head at once.  So I am going to go with it an write an write some more.


I am worried that the disk are going to be bad in my neck,
I am worried about the kids when they go to school,
I worried about Ted being at work,
I worried that I will not have money for bills/ But I know that I do but I am still scared does not make scene to ma at all,
I worry about that something bad is going to be bad when I answer the phone,
I worried about the fibro all the time pain after pain never going away or that the doctor missed something,
I worry about worry.


There is so many other things.  I am just not ready to say them.  I have to say before I had chronic pain I could do so much then when the pain went chronic some days are hard just to go to the bathroom.  I fight so hard to try to put these things out of my mind.  But when I have days like this It is to hard of a fight.  It feels as if I am in going to explode, scream, through something. So I will try to stick to my self.  So no groups or talking just my writing.  That is the only way that I can get out how I feel I worry that I will hurt someones feelings an I would never do that So on with the writing.  So I will try to figure out why I feel  this way an what has happened to make me feel this upset.  


I had a good morning the kids fought a little but it was not bad in any way.  Got to spend time with my hubby an sister so that is always nice to have.  I talked in the group a little wrote in my blog some to.  Went to the doctor an not really know what is going to go.  Ted got home an we talked an looked at some things on PS3 I forgot that I also talked on the phone with some friends an family.  The only thing that went bad was the doctors appt.  but that is really not a good reason to feel the way.  I have always been in a lot of pain just got over a flare but it feels as another is coming back.  An that it may be worse then before.  Do u know when u get really cold an it makes you hurt a lot well that is how tight my muscles feel.  Then the weakness kicks in an all u want to do is sleep cuz all the pain has made u so tried u do not know how to stay awake an you go to sleep early cuz u think that it will make you feel better, but u can not sleep cuz no matter how hard u try u can not get comfortable.So you wait till your honey comes to bed so that you are not alone  ( you feel alone all the time no matter what u do even when the room is full of your family an friends) an be so scared if people will come over then give u pity cuz you hurt so bad u can not even brush your hair, an when u do it is as if some one is pulling it out.  So u brush it a little an wear a hat or put it in a pony.  while worry about this you feel as if people are staring as if there was something on your face that you could not see, an when your hubby comes to bed u snuggle with him an you love when your are being held, but it hurts so bad that you want to cry.  So you snuggle as long as you can an then cruel up in the heating blanket so u still get the warmth that comes from from your honey.  But when ever you get touched here a noise an all the worry's that are on your mind.  So you watch some T.V.  so you can put all that is on your mind back were it belongs an fall asleep.  To wake up the next morning hurting so bad that you do not want to move ( that is what they call morning stiffness, if they knew the truth they would not call it stiffness)  So you wake up an lay there hoping that u will be able to get up soon, but worried that can not an the kids miss the bus an hubby is at work cuz you are to scared to drive.  So no matter what you get up talk to hubby an help the kids.  So they are off to school an you talk a little on there group an games not always doing anything.  Then you go to lay down take a nap an the phone wakes you up or you have the alone feeling again.  Living this day after day can be very hard but knowing that it hurts so much more to fight it all then giving in so you fight back trying to help others an thinking of good things while pushing all the bad things back in the privet spot in the back were u found them.  So u do good for a little while then every thing repeats its self more then ones sometimes days or months even hours you never really know.   


Some people believe in fibromyalgia some do not.  They call it the inviable disease but does this sound like one to you.  To me it does not this is what I live with everyday an trying to keep moving forward an try to make the best of it.  I am a very strong person but not everyone can be everyday.  U need family and friends even if they are just on the internet u can find some of the best people on there an I have an they have helped me in more ways then one.  All the people I grew up with are not here everyday to help me an it is not there fault they all have lives an family's but still hurting in side cuz it does not matter if they have something to do or not they just can not deal with you an see what has happened to a friend of there's so they stop calling.  You try to call them but they never answered or call u back so u gave up on them an realize that they were really not your friends just people u grew up with.  But later in life it can just be a couple years you know who will be there an help you.  I have lost friend but I have found some amazing people that are now in your life.


Sorry if this does not make scene to any of the people who read it but I was just writing what was going on in my head an hopping that I will be better tomorrow.  So good night/morning to all.  Hope it is a great one for you.  Tena   


   

Fibromyalgia Survivor: Monday Morning

Fibromyalgia Survivor: Monday Morning: "Well sleep like crap last night so that makes me in a lot of pain. I have a sick kid home so she will have to go to the doct..."

Monday Morning

Well sleep like crap last night so that makes me in a lot of pain.  I have a sick kid home so she will have to go to the doctor's with me.  I do not like to bring them cuz it is very painful to go to the doctor's when they find out were your pain is.  So that upsets me.  I love my kids an they do so much for me an they know that I have pain that is something I can not hide from them but going to the doctor is different then at home.  So I am a little upset about it.  This something I do not want them to see :( .  I also have a really bad headache it sucks.  But I good news I get to see my sister an that is always nice an her little boy.  But I will write after my appt an tell u all what they said Tena

Fibromyalgia Survivor: Sunday night

Fibromyalgia Survivor: Sunday night: "I did have another good day today besides the pain. I got to talk to some people that i have missed a lot. Also the kids were go..."

Sunday night

I did have another good day today besides the pain.  I got to talk to some people that i have missed a lot.  Also the kids were good that is always a plus.  I am nervous about the doctors appt tomorrow I always am.  I hate going to them an I do not like being on pills.  I am picky when it comes to the pills that I will take.  I also get to see mu sister tomorrow she is bring me to the doctor.  I really do not have much to write tonight but some days will be like this.  I hope u all have a wonderful day/night.  Tena 

Fibromyalgia Survivor: Sunday morning

Fibromyalgia Survivor: Sunday morning: "Sundays I hurt a lot. I do not know why that is. My back is killing me, legs want to give out, an very sleepy, plus my arms an s..."

Sunday morning

Sundays I hurt a lot.  I do not know why that is.  My back is killing me, legs want to give out, an very sleepy, plus my arms an shoulders, can not for get about my neck lets just say the whole body.  SO I feel a little down but that happens when u are in pain like this.  SO I try to find ways to cheer me up so that I do not hurt more then I already do.  Some days this is very hard for me to do.  
So what is on my mind right know I have been thinking about the things I miss most that I have lost since I have had fibro, not lost but it puts me in to much pain to do.  I really miss working most people hate to work but I miss it a lot.  Also walking I missed it so much when I would get upset in anyway I would go for a walk just to clear my head an it always worked.  I also miss so many more things that I do not want to get into it all right know it is very depressing.  So I will think about what I am happy to have an that is my family an all my friends in  our group love all of you.  That is a better thing to think about.  I will write more later today or tonight talk later Tena   

Night time 2-26-11

What a great day. I talked to my mom an sisters.  That is aways nice.  I got to spend time in my group I have missed them so much.  Was not able to be on do to a flare.  My kids were kinda crazy today I think it is Cabin fever an they could not go outside an play.  I did not do much but over all it is a great day.
So about fibro.  I have had a lot of pain in my right arm it is from the nerves I wish it would just go away but some wish will not be answered.  I have came to accept my fibro but it is still is hard at times.  So I am happy I had a good day.  It makes the pain better then when I feel sad or my anxiety, panic attacks kick in.  Most people think fibro is just pain but there is so much mental health that goes with it.  I also have noticed with a lot of fibro people that we all hurt at the same time.  I wonder why that is?  I have thought maybe cuz on of us hurt the others think about it an that makes us hurt more or maybe the weather.  I would love to figure that one out.  I thought about putting info up in this blog but I think that I will not unless people ask me about stuff the I will.  It is funny it is so hard for me to write on my good days but on my bad days I could write for hours.  So I really do not know what to say tonight but I had a great day.  So till tomorrow morning u all have a great night or day an enjoy every minute that you have they all matter.  <3 Tena 

Fibromyalgia Survivor: I really do not like the mornings. I am always st...

Fibromyalgia Survivor: I really do not like the mornings. I am always st...: "I really do not like the mornings. I am always stiff an it takes me a while to get ride of it. But I am in a good mood toda..."

I really do not like the mornings.  I am always stiff an it takes me a while to get ride of it.  But I am in a good mood today which is also good.  My arm is still hurt really bad can not wait till I go to the doctor on Monday.  I hope that they can help with it.  The nerve pain sucks so much.  The thing that I hate the most about fibro is that I  can not do get to do a lot of things that I want to do.  I know it sounds very selfish but I think most of us feel that way.  What most people take for granted we have hard time with like just walking, playing with your kids,  sleeping, cooking supper, laundry, sweeping, & so much more I would be writing for hours.  I would like people to understand that this is not me wanting pity I hate pity so much.  I just want understanding and to be believed.  This ma so so simple to most people but people with fibro it is so different.  People look at u different an when they realize u have fibro u loss a lot of friends an some loss there family's.  They say it is an inviable disease but it is not all u have to do is look at some one who has it.  Watch they way they walk, sit down try to do normal things, or anything they do in life that is were u see the fibro it may not show up on test but u can see it.  That is how my family new something was wrong cuz of how many people who saw how much I changed.  I can say though I have found some of the best friends in the world an I would love to thank all of them.  I wish more people were as caring as they are.  I have lost most of my old friends but that is ok I have my new ones an my family an I think that I got fibro so that I can help people an that I can find the best friends that I have ever had an love all them so much to.  My family also understands an at first I think it was really hard on them.  They understand more know that I do need all of them an that I can not do what I could do, but that is that the problem I have with fibro.  I want to go walking, play with my kids, go shopping, go in the truck, clean my house with out any pain but I do get the pain an it never goes away it is always there.  That is very hard to accept an more so when people do not believe u.  So I am hoping that this will help people understand me an others with this.  <3 fibro Tena 

I had a good day today.  Still a painful one but I am happy that I was able to go to my group an talk with everyone.  I am also in a good mood I think that helps for the pain to.  So I plain on writing on here every day like a journal.  I plain on sharing my good days an bad days.  We all have ups an downs an I think that more people need to understand what it is like to have fibro an how scary it is.  I want to write in the mornings an evenings.  I may forget some days or am not able to write but this is my plain.  

 

The faces Of fibromyalgia

Hate to see the disappointment in their eyes, when there are things I can not do

Hate to see the sadness in there eyes cuz they know it hurts me to get a hug

Hate it when they ask me to do something an it hurts me so bad cuz I can not

Hate to see the fear in there eyes when I fall down

Hate to see them upset cuz I need to lay down an can not spend the time with them \Hate Hate that we can not do everything a family should be able to cuz of the pain

Hate having fibromyalgia cuz it holds me back in life.

By Tena Pearson  12-30-10

The faces Of fibromyalgia

Why do people look at me different

Why do people judge me cuz they can not see the pain

Why do people not believe me

Why do people want me to do things I know I can not

Why was this sadness, pain and fear given to me

why do I have to suffer an others do not

Why ask Why 

By Tena Pearson  12-30-10

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Fibromyalgia Survivors: This is the first time I have done this. So reall...

Fibromyalgia Survivors: This is the first time I have done this. So reall...: "This is the first time I have done this. So really do not know what I am doing so I will start with a little about myself. &..."

This is the first time I have done this.  So really do not know what I am doing so I will start with a little about myself.  I am 28 years old with a amazing  husband an 4 kids.  I have fibro an it affects me a lot.  I am in a flare right know so even to type this is hurts me.  I live with chronic pain everyday that never goes away an that will never go away.  A lot of people do not believe in fibro.  I would like to bring awareness to it an help people understand how this does affects those who have it.  I will try to write on here daily so u can see all the ups an downs that go along with fibro.  Also man people do not realize that fibro affects every part of your body an also your mental health.  So I hope that this will help everyone understand stand what it is to live with this.  So this is my first blog so I will see how it goes.